All rights reserved Ruth A Sutton – 2019
In my writings I’ve made new word. It consists of hue, for all skin tones and main as in, mainly humane person, comes the word huemain.
I saw a lot. Heard a lot too.
All in the space of a few moments but it seemed much longer.
I saw something like a Dad. I saw others smiling, connected and equal in authority, to that Dad-like being. I say ‘like a Dad’ because he seemingly, at first glance, had a gender, was with all others connected directly to and being part of, a massive evolving, flowing and growing, Core of energy and matter combined. It was, I quickly recognised, without gender and, like that Core, all were connected to and included in it. With possession of incredible, strong communication energies and, with the authority of an Earth Dad but much more so than an Earth Dad. In my opinion and experiences.
I heard them. Talking, talking, talking. Communicating in more other ways too. Saw them interacting with him and each other, quite extraordinary.
So many levels of existence and, everything different from Earth but, relatable in my huemain heart and mind as well as, in my soul and spirit. I felt welcome. I was party to a melding of these authoritative energies. It was extremely interesting, enfolding, all consuming momentarily. There was and is nothing harmful to me there that I experienced, saw or heard then or since.
Showing me little experiences akin to film clips too. It was intense. It was brilliant. It was incredible.
It was all about energy, matter and, all kinds of matters and is constantly being, evolving with each addition .. IT IS .. massive. The energy was translucent and solid, rainbow colours. In its’ surroundings and core there are lots more differing levels of energy. All those with that being, emerged from its core energy, it was swirling around them as well. Some things and beings in the energy were solid others translucent. I’ve seen this before but not the same film clips. I get a lot of story ideas from there actually and, they don’t mind me writing them and, they help me with details. One of my sisters, the one born first, into my immediate huemain family, helps in the editing of them. She’s got loads of patience and a hardcore honesty to be admired, if not always liked. Truth often points out flaws. I don’t mind at all because I learn when they are pointed out to me. Everyone has flaws here on Earth. We don’t always see them until they’re questioned by ourselves or others. That’s why I like community, it’s inter-connectedly helpful when at peace. Some traits are not flaws at all but are considered to be by others. Complex situations arise from ideas about flaws and ways of dealing with them. Yes, complex.
I get a bit mixed up with reading and writing so it’s handy to have that Rainbow Core energy help and, the help of my sister. Her huemain understandings are big and her understanding of the English language is very much better than mine. By making suggestions and corrections she improves my writing a lot. Usually I’m so excited when I write after vision experiences, my writing can only make sense after my sister edits it.
I’d like to paint pictures with oil or acrylic paints but my physical limitations have made that practically impossible. So I write pictures instead, physical limitations allowing. Complex. This Earth is filled with complexities as are all residing on it.
I’m always very excited by my connections to and with those transmitting the visions, the energy is strong. Stronger than billions of trillions of all the combined energies on Earth, natural and man made.
Exciting, uplifting and temporarily pain relieving, are the connections. Vivid revelations that I am utterly convinced are real, just not here on Earth. For me to prove true, they’d have to be visible and-or audible for everyone. I’m happy to experience them by myself. No need to convince others, except, they are always so amazing, I want to share them.
I’ve been allowed to ask my own questions since the first time this happened, when I was very, very young. I don’t get answers straight away, then, of a sudden, a vision or an audible that I can see or hear or, both will come. They even don’t mind me discussing, like I’m part of them, anything at all. They don’t appear to think I’m an oddity or a nuisance or a burden, like many people do.
One time it was a lot of children, belonging to the authority figure. Some adopted, some born and some owned but, all of whom were made relatives. They took different forms, some solid, some translucent. Then they were in a huge rainbow ball, travelling. This is strange because a story I’m writing has something similar but it is nothing like the same story. Nothing at all. Related only by the Rainbow energies and moving beings.
The multitudes of children got sent to another place to learn to, “get along”. They’d been misbehaving and squabbling and the more mature beings decided to send them away, within hearing distance of the Core figure but very much quieter, to a new galaxy. That galaxy looked suspiciously like ours. It was weird because once inside the ball, before setting off, they all became energy and merged with it. In one big energy. Pretty and colourful, they became silent. The rainbow ball moved fast and further and further away from the mature ones. It was fascinating. I could clearly see and hear the mature ones chuckling. It didn’t seem serious.
It seemed like some kind of celebration was being prepared by the core and all the mature ones connected directly to it. The children got over excited, so, the adults sent them to another room. Only what I saw wasn’t another room it was a combination of energies, in what seemed like one huge ball, connected by many strands and globes of varying concentrations of colours and energies as well as sized appropriately for interlinked travel. Loads of other children who weren’t squabbling or misbehaving, went with those who were. It didn’t seem a problem for any of them. It felt more like anticipation of an exciting school excursion that would take their minds off the big celebration. Leaving the maturer beings to plan and prepare in peace.
Before the rainbow energy ball detached from the main energy and moved, I saw other less pastel colours of the rainbow forming into other energy forms, of matter, like globes. Some as big as the one the children were in. Every colour of the rainbow and some black and white ones. They merged into a huge cover around the ball with the children in and, some barely visible strands of even smaller bold colour globes, remained attached to the mature, Core energy beings. It was a sight because at the same time as I was seeing this communication to and from the Core of all that energy, other experiences were happening. Descriptions, plans, preparations, general ordinary life there, names, oh goodness all sorts going on.
Apparently the extra globes are protectors of varying ranks, with varying authorities and limited powers, guardians, relatives and teachers. They accompany the children. Thing is, it’s like a collective some can be seen by the children, some cannot. All are linked to each other and to Core though. It’s different from anything I’ve seen or heard on Earth, that’s for sure.
While the mature ones return to their celebration plans and other doings that are normal for them, the journey of those in the rainbow coloured energy ball and the globes is very fast.
It’s odd because it’s all happening at once and the destination is arrived at and I can’t see those connecting tiny strands any more but they are communicating their continuing existence, as are the larger boldly coloured globes but, they have just vanished and are invisibly there and audibly communicating. Not just to me by the way, to each other, to the mature ones and to somewhere else. All via the tiny, hardly visible colourful strands, connected via and to varying globes and the ball. The strands are thinner than the finest huemain baby hair. Apparently they’re all forms of energy. The tiniest as strong as the largest. It’s more difficult for me to put into words, than it was to have understanding. When one is cut or broken, the others quickly repair, recover or link it back up, unless told otherwise by the Core of the energies.
I was shown, while being told that I am linked via a rainbow coloured strand with globes so tiny, I’d need a huge microscope and I believed that, because I experienced it audibly, spiritually and visibly.
I decided to explore the strand I was connected by. It happened really fast, the straight bits were colourful with lovely music, the globes were fun. Each time I entered a globe I was met by many with a smile and then, “Greetings Ruth!”. Thing is, each, in every globe, gifted me with a story. When I left each globe I heard, “Farewell Sister!” Or “Farewell Aunty!” Or “Farewell Ruth!” Such intensity of love, I’ve never known. Lots of giggles were had. So full, every one. I lost count. I did arrive at the Core. I cannot even begin to explain that experience. I can sum it up. WOW! A LOT! I am changed. Then back to Earth again, to be who I am. To be my purer personality, enriched by this and many other personal experiences. I was given to understand that this comes to all who request it, using any genuine Spiritual quest.
This is incredible. I’d already asked my question, via the strand connection without travelling along it. I constantly have audio-visual to and from the Core. My question, this instance, was about Karma. Lots of human people have their definition and belief in Karma and seem content to do nothing about many destructive and harmful personal traits. Leaving everything, justice linked, to a supposed, later on-Karmic judge. Saying things like, “Karma will deal with them” or “that”. Not too explanatory or definite for all. Very common among Christians too, except they leave much justice up to God. Similar in many religions. I do believe there are some who try to educate against destructive, harmful behaviour. Looking at the world, they haven’t succeeded but hey, judgement comes later. Seems like a threat often used, instead of effectively teaching better behaviour in each. Persevering until it is learned and applied, leading to better environments and more thoughtful experiences for all. I’m reminded of the excited, misbehaving pre-celebration children who, it would seem, began this.
While I can understand this Karma belief as it’s been presented to me by humans. I have my own belief, about spirits and energies before and after life on Earth. I think belief or faith is extremely personal. Seems others do not believe the same, they’re on a seemingly generalised, broader pathway.
I wanted to know more about Karma. I asked whether or not there’s more to the interpretation being bandied about on Earth. There is!?!
Yes.
There is more that I haven’t heard about. Until I was connected to and intertwined again with, the Core I spoke of just now.
Apparently there are volunteers in the connected spirit energy areas, both strands and globes. The larger globes have what are called Ascended Majors and Minors as well. The Majors and Minors often visit humans, cannot always be seen or heard by them. The voluntary spirits have chosen to be on Earth, as creatures, humans/huemains and plant life forms. It’s all very friendly in those spirit energy realms, planes, levels. It isn’t as complex as I first thought either. Well, unless looking into the energies with a desire to present proof, then it gets extremely complex indeed.
So not only is there a chief authority dishing out Karmic justice but there are volunteers joining into Karmic life on Earth. Extraordinary, in my opinion.
All because some young energies got excited, misbehaving, into squabbles, during the preparations for a massive celebration, a wedding I believe, somewhere else close to the Core. They had to be removed from the preparation areas and occupied while tasks were and are carried out for the big moment of excitement.
Something else just happened on the same, rainbow energy, communication strand. Oh my goodness me!
You see, in early November 1997, I had a mind altering experience. Followed by a lot of sorting out of what was already in my heart, mind, soul and spirit. The whole of me, focussed, concentrated. It was a very calming, relaxing set of energies surrounding and, enfolding every cell in my mind and body, unlike any other energy. I’d reached the end of my abilities to cope with any more pain, both physical and emotional. I said a prayer, from my heart, mind, soul and spirit. It was then that I was shown that I go on after being huemain. Just as I existed before being human, in a form of energy, linked to Core, related to Core. I perpetually live with Core energies as energy. I don’t lose my personality. It was an all consuming moment. Giving me understandings I hadn’t had before that November 5th afternoon at 4:15pm. Yes, I remember the time and date.
So much came and triggered my memory. It appeared that I am ancient but new. The strange thing is, it all makes absolute sense to me. It is proven to me. I don’t need or desire to prove anything except myself.
Nowadays, in an extremely limited physical body, I find myself unravelling more and more of what appeared to me that afternoon and a lot more that has appeared since.
I haul my pain racked body and my happy soul and spirit into my wheelchair. I take my little dog to one of two local parks, depending on my strength of mind and willpower each day. She is fun to take out. She enjoys her life as I do mine. Most especially the ‘connected’ moments and those moments, going out with my dog, together. Meeting and greeting others we see along the way. Sometimes it’s just us. Her enjoying ground level smells. Me enjoying the details, sights and smells. I recall stories told in the globes I mentioned. Often a story is triggered by something I see or smell. More often a story comes while on our little jaunt or, an answer to one of my many questions. My mind is ram packed all the time. Always has been. Apparently that has a label, it’s called hyperactivity.
The murmurings of many voices come and go. No one else can hear them. They don’t bother me because I’m used to noise. Living in this loud city called London, helps one be used to, if not always liking, noises. Sometimes I listen to music. Sometimes I hear music that is from the energy. I want to write it down but I can’t always do that. I must say, I appear to be complete. I do have complete moments that are wracked by physical cramps or spasms. Foggy moments too. The diagnoses for my symptoms are; Arthritis, Asthma with overlapping COPD, Costochondritis, Dyslexia, Fibromyalgia and Post Traumatic Stress(COPD). Recently, another serious diagnosis in the lower spine, they scanned it. I’ve often heard Post traumatic stress called a disorder. I’ve seen more disorderly behaviour from people claiming to be orderly. I’ve experienced a lot of nasty things that have caused me to suffer with anxieties I cannot control or tolerate. The way that manifests is physical, adversely affecting my breathing ability and the Fibromyalgia. I’m still, at age 64, working on improving my lot. Finding my own abilities. Being more honest about my likes and certainly more open about my dislikes. My dislikes were usually hidden for fear of beatings or worse. Yes.
Since the energy input, I fear very little. So life does not necessarily begin at forty. It does begin afresh, each moment. I like all my new and better understandings, they sit very comfortably with me.
Who knows, by the time I’m eighty, I might have got the hang of being a creative thinking, female human being.
End
All rights reserved-Ruth A Sutton 2019
A fiction story … or is it …
ALL COPYRIGHTS RESERVED BY RUTH A SUTTON February 25th 2019
THE WING-WALK
1
I leap out of bed, singing, “This day is gonna get better!” It’s already a fine day and, I’m excited. I skip to the bathroom. When I’m done I decide to put on some music, my choice is, ‘Dancing in the street’, the original version. I allow that to be quite loud and set it to play over and over because I can. I fill and boil my kettle. I decide to have two poached eggs on thick crusty bread. Love thick crusty bread, the smell alone is enjoyable to my nose. I slice the bread, two slices, one for the eggs and one for some marmalade. I decide to have coffee this morning, very unlike me. I usually enjoy my morning cup of tea. I pour water from the kettle into my cup containing two brown sugars, my taste, and a level spoonful of my favourite instant coffee. Mmmm, I could survive just on that smell without drinking it. My nose is having a treat this morning, crusty bread and coffee. After full appreciation of the smell I sip from my cup and put it on the table. I am dancing on the spot, as I crack two eggs into a mug of boiling water, I slide across the room to the microwave with the mug. Set the microwave for one minute and then slide back to my worktop, in rhythm to the music. I use benecol spread because I love the taste. Butter always tasted rancid to me, I do not like tasting anything rancid. I know lots of people love their butter, not this person among people. I spread both slices of crusty bread liberally, I had cut both slices without accident, hoorah!
The voices are silent this morning, I note. Maybe they are just listening, they do that sometimes.
Bing! goes the microwave, I have exactly one minute to set a place at my kitchen table, next to my coffee cup. This I do no problem, adding a jar of marmalade and a teaspoon by my knife and fork as well as getting two small tomatoes from my fridge. Bing! goes the one minute extra time on the microwave. My eggs are done. The coffee is poured and I am set to enjoy my breakfast. Superb morning. Everything going so smoothly and with music I like.
I enjoy my solitude. I have had my fill of intimate ‘relationships’, wasn’t any good at them. Give me platonic all day long, preferable to me. I don’t spoil my excitement about what is to come, the Wing-Walk, by thinking about my relationship failures for more than a few seconds. My will is strong about that.
I clear up my breakfast mess and saunter back to my bedroom. I open the wardrobe. What a smashing sight, clothes for every occasion. All responsibly sourced.
I have old fashioned thermal underwear, a really comfy suit of recycled silk cloth, lined with British wool. I feel that is appropriate for my Wing-Walk. My old boots are so comfy, bought years before. I will wear them to the day they are rotten. They are black ankle boots with rubber souls. My suit is camouflage but in pink. I like to wear pink sometimes. Oh, all this is really comfy. I decide not to wear the top until I go outside. Well I’m ready to be collected, I pre ordered my ride days ago. It feels as if butterflies are fluttering in my stomach.
I double check that all doors and windows are shut and locked. I turn off my stereo and double check all switches and sockets are off. I am going to the airfield. I sit in my kitchen, waiting for the intercom bell to ring. I tap my fingers lightly on the table to some new music that is now forming in my head. It is a few notes of a piano, gently…ring…intercom! Those butterfly feelings. I answer and sure enough my ride is here. The driver knows the route. I know it is going to take about one hour. I have no desire to watch busy roads and other drivers and passengers, nor do I have any interest in shop fronts, housing differences and pedestrians. I trust that my driver pays attention because in my experience, he does. I get my mobile phone out and play a word game. Time passes for me, well that way. The driver knows me, knows I do this and prefer not to chat. This driver is the one the firm send me every time. I like familiar faces. I like the, no chatting today please, instant respect, from experiencing and respecting my travel wants and, the observation skills my driver has. It is not that I feel a rudeness towards the driver, we greet each other politely and the driver opens the car door for me then shuts it when I am in. I show my gratitude for his professionalism with a couple of words, “Thank you” and a smile. His car is very comfortable, one of my favourite types too. I love that the designers and manufacturers of this type of car, made a saloon that does not emit poison, as does the driver. I sorted all that when looking for a firm with ideals similar to mine in that respect. I am content to do business again and again with them.
Oh those butterflies are busy, they do not distract from my focus on making words from the letters in the word game level I have reached. I can think about making words and the butterflies can flutter, while I wait to reach my destination. I glance out the window, not even close. I thought more time had passed, wrong! Back to my game then. Be nice if I could pass this level before we get to the airfield. Hmm, that piano music is back. I make a note to myself to write down those musical notes, then think, silly, tap them into your phone Ruth. So I do. It is a part of a musical I have been working on for years and years. I’ve no musical qualifications but I hear new music and it goes well with the idea I had many moons ago, for a musical story. One day I will finish it. I’m determined and happy I’m not working to any deadline with that idea. It is pleasant for me that the idea developed into details and, the musical ‘bites’ keep coming into my mind when they are ready. Suits my busy brain.
This word game level is challenging.
I look out of the car window, we’re at the airfield gates! I did not pass the level yet. Those butterflies are getting more agitated.
2
The driver looks at me through his rear view mirror, to check that I’ve noticed we’ve arrived at the airfield. I nod and smile, then easily find my ID and the confirmation letter I had received. I hand them to Michael. We drive slowly through the gates to the checkpoint booth and face a closed, red and white striped barrier that is blocking the driveway. Michael duly stops the car to verify to the security man, who’s sitting in the booth, that we are invited and we are who we are meant to be. He hands him the ID and the confirmation letter. After checking, via a quick telephone call he hands everything back to Michael, he then waves us on and smiles. He’s now leaning down to, I assume, press the barrier up button. The barrier lifts slowly up and we drive on. It’s not far to the hangar at all, a few minutes. Lots of little aircraft are scattered around this airfield, one is just landing. I think they do flying lessons here, as well as parachute jumps and private, small plane, flights.
My driver approaches the hangar and we come to a stop. He’s going to wait around while I do the Wing Walk. I did ask about what the driver would do while waiting for me, when I prearranged the trip. There was a brief chat about, should he wait or go away and return. The day after that brief chat, I was telephoned, it had been decided by the driver that he would wait.
There is a cafe on the airfield grounds, in case he fancies a drink or some food. I’ll probably have a hot chocolate when I’m done. A smiling woman who is familiar to me, comes out through the hangar door, towards the car. She’s wiping her hands on what looks like a red scarf. All of a sudden my car seat seems to be the strongest magnet in the world that, somehow manages to hold my torso and legs in a grip unlike any. How strange. My driver gets out of the car and comes around to my car door and opens it for me, he’s smiling and lifts one eyebrow. He says, “you sure you want to do this?” That seems to trigger a release button on the magnetised seat, allowing me to move. I look at my driver in a different light. Is there a body magnet in this car that releases passengers by driver voice activation? I speak nothing of this thought to him. I say, “Yes I’m sure, thank you Michael” as I emerge from the car, smiling back at him. I hope I’m wearing my, determined facial expression, I’m certainly feeling determined. He says, “Enjoy, I’ll be waiting here when you’re done, ok?” “Yes thank you, are you going to watch?” I ask. “Now you know I can’t do that” he replies. I nod and off I go to greet the woman. The butterflies are silent for now, I’m glad about that.
The woman, who I know well, comes forward some more and hugs me gently, as she says, “Good morning Ruth, it’s all arranged just like we spoke about on the phone.” “Good morning to you Violet.” I say as we emerge from the hug. I am very happy about what her words have confirmed, my face shows my happiness with a smile on my lips and in my eyes, “..are we good to go?” I ask. She replies, “a few checks and then we’ll get you strapped on. It’s a lovely day for it” Violet says, still smiling. I find myself smiling to, I nod about the lovely day. The sky is blue, varying in shade from baby blue to Royal blue and it’s clear. The air smells lovely and fresh with a hint of fuel fumes, it is warm too, gifting a very gentle, cheek caressing, breeze. The fuel fumes waft in waves. Those butterflies let their presence be known again. I feel welcomed by Violet and that always puts a relaxed, with whoever is welcoming me, feeling in my heart and mind. The butterflies ignore my relaxed heart and mind and flap their wings too keenly for my liking, I put my hand on my stomach in the hope, to soothe them, it doesn’t work.
We go into the hangar, paperwork needs doing. Violet shuts the little door which has been inserted into a huge sliding door, camouflaged in the same material and colour as the door. Some other, familiar faces, are now waving their welcome to me. They are all wearing overalls, obviously stained over time with grease and oil but, look freshly laundered. Those people are loitering around a bi plane on the far side of the hangar. It is the only plane in here. The bi plane is scarlet red with a white, winged horse painted brilliantly, on the only side that I can see. I feel curious about the other side now but don’t go to look. I smile and wave back, they, still smiling and chatting among themselves, return to whatever it is they were doing. Some of them, busy about the engine and appearing to do, under the plane, checks. Most with dirty cloths of varying colours, hanging out the back pockets of their overalls.
There is a tall frame on top of the centre of the bi plane wings.
The butterflies, more gentle than before, now reminding me of their presence.
One chap is standing next to the bi plane, he greets me again, with a big grin and loud voice, which echoes around, over the other echoing noises. He says, “Good morning Ruth, I’ll be strapping you in” it’s David. David is Violets’ soul mate, “Good morning David” I reply, I’m still smiling. Enjoying, to myself, that this is all helpfully relaxed and friendly. The butterflies, not gentle at all now, are seemingly getting ready for something energetic, their wings and bodies, slapping more frantically against the inside of my stomach. They must have strong wings and bodies.
Violet has perched on the edge of a grubby wooden table, with mugs on it, some empty, some half empty and, one or two with what looks like hot, strong tea in them, I cannot smell coffee at all, so it must be tea, poured elsewhere because there’s no teapot on the table or anywhere in my field of vision. There are a couple of clip boards with papers attached to them, on the table near where Violet is perched instead of on one of the chairs around the table. She indicates for me to sit on the chair closest to her. I choose not to, and just manage, to shake my head with a smile, no words. I’ve been sitting for too long in the car already, I want to prepare my legs for this fifteen to twenty minute adventure. My legs might be strapped to the frame on the wings later but now, I’d prefer them free and standing. I surreptitiously search for the person who has the voice to release the magnets because, my body seems very much like it is magnetised on the spot, but not with such a strong magnet as in the car. At least my eyes, the rest of my face, my head and my neck are not as seemingly magnetised.
It is huge in here, long and wide with high ceilings, I am constantly hearing sounds echoing. Laughter and voices continue to come from the direction of the bi plane and echoing. The plane is opposite the little door I came in through. I am drinking in every moment of this. A radio is playing a tune I love, from the sixties, I haven’t heard this one for many years. I do believe it’s Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf. How appropriate.
While Violet sifts through the papers on one of the clip boards, I continue to have thoughts. I’m not keen on flying. Truth be told I am very afraid of flying on commercial aircraft. It’s not that I fear the plane falling to bits, losing parts mid air, dropping from the sky nor is it, fear of pilots losing their minds and crashing the plane. I have other concerns completely. I believe, most commercial aeroplanes, flight engineers, pilots and flight attendants are trustworthy or airlines wouldn’t hire them. Years ago I had the opportunity to visit a family member in a far away country, this involved more than one very long, commercial flight. All those flights happened without my worst fear occurring. They were incredibly uncomfortable, in more than one way. The first part of that journey out was an eight hour flight. Seven hours into the flight, I had a desperate urge to leave the plane and expressed that urge to my travelling companion, whilst keenly using my eyes to search for any parachutes. I was determined to get off in mid air. Absurd as that seems now, I could not calm myself then, nor could my companion. My desperation built up into a panic and my companion talked to the flight attendants who soothed me. They went away and came back saying the pilots had invited me to the cockpit, would I please follow them, bricks followed in my long walk along the narrow aisle of that commercial aeroplane, to their cabin. I did not want to be in the cockpit at all. However, I figured if they and the flight attendants were brave enough to fly in the risky political climates, I would do my best to keep calm, I was impressed that not only could they keep calm but they all did their jobs efficiently and regularly. I did land safely home, on British soil, after a lovely family visit and more uncomfortable flights, with no panic incidents. To this day I remain on British soil apart from a couple of trips, by boat, to France and back. Even on those I was nervous but, not as much as on commercial flights.
Now my bucket list has come to Wing Walk. I must fly in order to do that. I am very pleased it will not be on a commercial aeroplane but on a small plane with a pilot and engineers that I know personally.
Butterflies still fluttering, they seem to want to accompany me, perhaps they want a lift to high into the sky too. I overcome my nervousness with excitement and I’m looking forward, very much, to getting up in the sky, on the wings of, not in a seat of, Violet and her ‘gang’s’ bi plane.
Violet draws my attention back to the hangar and her clip board paperwork, by gently touching my arm. So the magnet release button is not voice activated, hmm, I am able to move forward easily now. I sign where she indicates, so, we are done with paperwork. All ready to take this magical plane ride. Be active, you butterflies, yes we’ll soon be airborne. I am keen to feel the wind on my face and to be so high in the gloriously blue sky, the views will be incredible. I had already decided that I’m going to shut my eyes for take off and just feel everything until we’re airborne, I’d told Violet this during our arrangement meetings and phone calls. She’d agreed to tell me over the earphones when we are on a level up in the sky, that is, if I don’t feel the change in engine and air before I hear her voice and open my eyes already. I like Violet and David, they have proven themselves to be good friends of mine, more than once. Funnily enough, we don’t agree on all subjects we’ve talked about so far but, we agree on much that we feel is important and we enjoy each other’s company. We have learnt to leave some subjects unspoken. We mostly enjoy spending time with each other and our other mutual friends.
Violet interrupts my thinking, we are walking across the vast expanse from table to bi plane. We arrive close to the plane. “OK Ruth, let’s get you strapped on.” I nod. For some reason I am unable to reply. David and the others, including Violet grin in unison. “You lot enjoying yourselves at my expense?” “Yes” comes the united reply. “Me too” I add, grinning as well.
Question, is grinning as contagious as yawning? Answer, yes it can be.
I begin to clamber up onto the wings, David grips my left hand and pulls as well as holds me steady. I appreciate his help, Violet pushes my behind. Much as I need her assistance too, it’s made me giggle and I lose concentration for a moment, I stumble a little, I hope my usually overactive, unsociable, microbiomes do not invoke a loud noise for Violets sake and to spare me from a longer, embarrassed, fit of the giggles. David continues to help me manoeuvre myself onto the wing and to stand against the frame on the wings. Violet remains on the ground and I just stand, leaning against the frame on the wings, for a moment, gathering myself together. David releases my left hand as he’s noticed I am ok. Microbiomes behaved with social graces, thank goodness.
Happy day today, such a lot to be happy about.
3
David is now faffing about with Velcro straps. he secures them around my ankles and under my knees. He indicates, as he thoughtfully steps back, that I can do the straps myself, around my thighs, waist and under my bust. He has to check they are fastened properly though. Once happy that I’m securely strapped to the frame, David hands me earphones and a neat microphone with a clip attached. He gives me an old leather, snug to skull fit, pilot helmet, it makes me smile, the earpieces cover and hang below, my ears. The microphone clips very securely onto one of the ear flaps. David raises an eyebrow because I haven’t tied the helmets’ ear flaps straps securely under my chin. I feel like a child being supervised by a parent while I’m dressing appropriately for school by myself, for the first time. I grin and look at David while duly tying them securely but not in stranglehold. I notice my hands are shaking as I do this. He watches, his eyebrow returning to its normal position afterwards and, a smile forming on his face. Then my eyebrows raise, together with a smile in my eyes, that smile also tilts my lips up. I know it’s for my safety, and the helmets’ ear wings must be strap tied, to stop my hair whipping my face, to clip the microphone and hold it close to my mouth and, to keep the earphones securely in place, while in the air. I prefer the ear covers flapping about in the wind look myself. I know this isn’t about looks though, I’m thanking goodness no photographic record of me in this look are taken, although, I reckon I look mighty fine in my pink camouflage outfit with black boots. “One more thing” he says handing me a pair of, new looking, goggles. “Thanks David” I say as I fit them over my head and eyes carefully, noticing how they, without adjustment, fit firmly onto my head, over the helmet and over my eyes, slightly impairing my usually broad, field of vision. David winks at me, I give him the thumbs up, he then says, “Right then..” and turns away from me, “Violet..” he pauses to look at her as he speaks then, he continues speaking directly to her, “..all set here love.” His warm smile, reaching from his eyes, curling his lips and wrinkling his cheeks. He leaps off the wings, briefly bouncing off the body of the plane and lands on the grubby, concrete ground with ease. Smooth show off, I think, at the same time as smiling and being impressed.
I am very excited, so are the butterflies. I’m here, about to do something I have wanted to do since seeing someone doing a Wing walk, on a newsreel, in a cinema as a child. It looked like an incredibly exciting thing to do and I am going to do it, right now. I close my eyes, in preparation for take off. To focus on just feeling it rather than, feeling and seeing it. I want to open my eyes when I’m actually up in the sky, not before. Call me strange, I don’t mind, this is my experience. I might be able to set those butterflies free on my way up.
Violet’s in the cockpit already, I know this because I hear her voice in my earphones. “Hi Ruth. Do we have connection?” I’m surprised my thoughts had drifted for long enough for her to get in the plane, I reply, “Yes we do, how brilliant is this Violet?” “I’m happy in the air Ruth. Yes, this is really brilliant. Do you want to do the roll manoeuvre?” “Not sure yet, shall we wait until we’re up in the air and enjoying that? See how brave I’m feeling then eh?” I answer. I hear Violet chuckle as she responds, “Why not? Sure thing. Right, just a few take off checks, then the noise of the engine.” “OK” I finish. I am quite relaxed and a bit surprised about being relaxed and excited at the same time. Maybe the shutting of my eyes is a better idea than I first imagined.
My other senses are heightened, more so than usual. I hear the loud voices of David and Violet as well as Keith, an engineer friend of ours. They are doing last minute checks. Someone is opening the huge sliding door by the sound of it rumbling and squeaking on rollers. I feel movement of the plane, a slow, silent but a little bumpy, movement. Then I hear and feel the engine growl and rumble. The wings beneath my feet are vibrating. Oh those butterflies. My whole body is shaking with the plane, it is a rather pleasant sensation. The voice of Violet enters into my earphones after what seems like more than a few moments cruising the, more bumpy, runway, “Up we go Ruth, you OK?” When I answer, “Yes thank you.” my voice is vibrating because the engine rumble is reaching from my feet right up to my head, via my throat. I giggle because I find that funny. I want to make more noise like the sound, “AH-ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-ah-h-h-h-h” I cannot resist. Violet chuckles into the headset, she knows me so well. We are both, it would seem, in high spirits. I feel the rising of the plane, fewer bumps in the air, my body is forced back into the frame, oh this is brilliant. Wind is pushing on my cheeks, I wonder if my face is distorted by my cheeks, they feel like they are flapping madly in this wind, it is a fleeting thought. I am surprised by the change from breeze to full on wind though, despite knowing it will happen. Violet talks into my earphones, “We’re up! You can open your eyes if they aren’t already.” I do open them, and I am wowed. “Wow Violet…this is…this is…oh yes!” Violet laughs. I can still feel the strong wind on my face, a cheek flapping feeling and, the vibration of the engine all through my body, I know my voice is distorted and every word still vibrating. I am smiling in every cell of my body. My mind is racing more than usual. I can see the ground below, lots of green stretches and, yellow squares, interrupted by green hedges and dotted with small and large areas of trees, birds flying to the left side of me but not as high. I can see the sea far off on the horizon too. The airfield is not in my field of vision. The butterflies must have fluttered off into the air because they have gone, instead there is a feeling of tremendous elation replacing them. I have arrived, I squeal with delight, well I thought I was squealing, it came out sounding more like a 78 vinyl record on a 33 setting whilst placed on a spin dryer, wobbly, punctuated by a grunting sound just as the plane dips and Violet says, “Sorry Ruth, we hit an air pocket.” She’s giggling as she says it. I really don’t mind. “OK.” I reply in vibrating voice. This is my adventure and it just keeps getting better. I had closed my eyes as I squealed and the plane dipped, my excuse for a squeal, turns into a whoop at the same time as my stomach feels like8 it’s doing a somersault. I don’t feel sick, this feeling is one I have never experienced before and shall remember. I stretch my arms out to the sides, they are pushed backwards by the wind. I close my eyes briefly and feel this, the sun is shining brightly. My eyes are protected from the wind force by the goggles. I feel some warmth from the sun through the chill at this height, it is a wonderful feeling. I am so absorbed by my thoughts that the sound of Violets’ voice gives me a start… “Ruth…Ruth?” “Yes, I was deep in thought here Violet.” “Oh, sorry love.” “No probs Vi’, this is great!” I respond, Violet continues our little chat, “Do you want to do a roll?” I think for a minute, will I regret saying no? I imagine how I’ll feel were that my answer. Getting home and wishing otherwise maybe. I decide to go for it, my trust in Violet as a pilot, David’s strap fastening and the strength of the Velcro, is about to be proven, I hope. “OK Violet, let’s do it, why not?” I say. My stomach does a flip though. Violet speaks again, “I think you’re going to enjoy this…I’ll count down from ten OK?” I quickly reply, “Yes.” Violet starts from 10, “9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..” we roll, Wow! It’s all happening really fast, we roll twice, I’m very glad about the helmet holding my hair in place. Relieved that the straps and Velcro hold and I don’t plummet to the ground. I can’t see anything in detail, just lots of flashing colours and shapes. My arms, neck and head are not strapped in, they are forced one way then another, it is weird. My stomach does not like the second roll, my head loves it, I cry out just as we are straightening from the second roll, “Stop! Please stop!” Violet doesn’t take the plane into a third roll, somehow she manages to get level at short notice, up the right way. She speaks, “What happened? I thought we agreed three rolls on the phone.” “Oh I loved it in my head but my stomach did not, I thought I was going to be sick.” I reply. The next moment, I hear Violet laugh out loud. I sulk for all of two seconds then, in radio silence, Violet and I allow time just flying, for me to recover. I focus my attention on the view below. We are right by the coast. Cheeks still flapping. That is a peculiar feeling, I can feel wind on my gums. My breath is cold. I put my hand up to my mouth. It is not easy doing that and when my hand reaches my mouth, the wind pressure seems to want to hold it there. I don’t because there’s too much mouth pressure.
I manage to put it back by my side. My hands are getting colder now. This doesn’t bother me too much because I am distracted by the speed with which the scenery changes below. I see some seagulls gliding gracefully close to the beach. The beach is practically empty. It is a long stretch of coastline, fairly sandy and clean, the water looks lovely and calm. I wish I’d bought my swimming costume. I think I could jump from these wings straight into that water given the chance. I know this is a ridiculous thought and just enjoy the changes below.
Violets voice again, “We’re going back now OK?” I’m actually happy about this. I’ve had a great experience. I say, “Yes Thanks Violet.” The view below is incredible, I look to the horizon. In my sight are birds ahead, quite a few, I can’t quite make out what type they are though. I know Violet will have seen them. It is quite something, usually I have to look up to see flying birds, not today. Today I am higher than they are. I find myself fleetingly envying their wings. Admiration of their grace overshadows my envy now. The sun glints on their wings. We are turning to the right of them, in order to avoid them. I ask Violet, “Can you see what type of birds they are?” “They look like swallows” she replies. “They are flying like swallows, look how they dip and dive, too small for seagulls.” I comment, voice still vibrating.
4
I’m still enjoying the birds while thinking. The funny thing is that now I know we are going back to the airfield, part of me wants to stay up here. The other part of me, mainly physical, wants to get in the warm and stabilise my shuddering body. It’s a treat to be flying over things. I’m searching for people but don’t see any. The birds are on my left and are still too far away for me to work out what they are, I believe they are swallows and am enjoying their aerobatic skills. I try to find something else to take my mind off the cold that is now settling in most of my body and is already settled in my hands and knees. My choice of clothing stood me in good stead until we turned to go back. I think the timing of the flight is spot on. I do wish I’d worn warmer clothing but then again, I wouldn’t be ready to land. We are approaching a small woodland. To be over the canopy of trees is a view I thoroughly enjoy, it is a fleeting sight, leading to the lovely patchwork patterns of green, brown and yellow, stitched together with green hedges and patterned with the occasional tree. Now I’m seeing a very unusual sight, for these modern times, a man behind a plough horse. This has turned into a game of ‘eye-spy’ for one. I suddenly realise how fast we are travelling. I still don’t see the airfield, this puzzles me. I speak into my microphone, “Violet, I can’t see the airfield.” Violet replies, almost immediately, “No, we planned a little surprise for you.” “Oh!” I am very surprised. Surprises are not easy to plan for me. I can usually tell when people are withholding something from me. I don’t comment about that to those I think are hiding something because, I truly believe most people hide things when they haven’t worked out what words they’d like to use yet. Not all people are hiding surprises. I am wondering now, wether Michael was being honest about his objection to watching any aircraft or, is he part of this surprise? I ask Violet, as the scenery below and beside us, keeps whizzing past. “Does Michael know you’re surprising me?” Violet answers immediately, “Yes, he’s picking you up.” Hmm he hid that really well I think. “Should I close my eyes?” I ask. “Actually, that will help a lot.” Violet replies. I consider leaving them open. I decide to close them, maybe I can focus on telling each of the coldest parts of my body to feel my inner warmth. I say into the microphone, “OK, I’ll close them…now?” Violet answers quickly, “No not yet, I’ll tell you when OK?” I answer, “Yes.” I begin to think about how I will use the time with my eyes closed to project my inner warmth into my fingers and knees, while still enjoying the aerobic display of the birds, set on the flashing by scenery and, the excited feeling in my stomach. A surprise eh, what could it be? My mind is a bit racy right now.
Luckily Violet speaks into my earphones, “You can shut them now.” I do. I immediately control my racing mind. I start picturing my fingers, hands and arms. I tell them they are feeling lovely and warm at the same time as projecting my inner warmth into them, like a warm indigo light passing from my heart and mind into them. I feel an elation, strange, now I feel my hands beginning to tingle. Wow, putting into practice what I have learnt in meditations is really effective, my hands are actually warming, fingers tingle, I didn’t mean to be distracted by wow. I bring my focus back to my fingers, projecting with every ounce of focus, my indigo warmth light. They tingle some more now warmth creeps into them. Next my knees, my poor cold knees. Oh this is brilliant…hold on, the plane has changed noise and vibration, the wind has dropped dramatically. The engine is off now. I open my eyes. What the?! We are in what looks like a huge metal box. “What’s going on here Violet?” I ask. She laughs. “Take your helmet off Ruth. We’ll all be able to hear you.” The ‘box’ is opening and folding back into what I thought were the hangar’s other big doors. The sound of that is a rumbling and rolling, just like when I’d closed my eyes before we took off and were, I thought, going to the runway. David is by my side, in two impressively agile leaps, he is laughing too. I am speechless.
I try to speak, while looking at the faces on the ground, in the hangar. David seems tickled pink and is quietly and gently undoing the Velcro on the straps when the word finally comes out, “How?” I ask. “We’ve been part of the team designing this, for years” says Keith, while grinning. Matilda and Olivia nod. Olivia is an absolute whizz with computer technology and Matilda is second to none at building designs for whatever complex project anyone can come up with. Michael is standing sheepishly behind Justin and Robin, two skilled builders, each with their own speciality and teams of craftsmen and craftswomen. “You see” Michael begins then pauses and continues, “You are not the only one phoning our firm or Violet and David, wanting to do a wing walk but not wanting to damage the environment. I did the filming, it’s my hobby.” He smiles sheepishly, my eyebrows shoot up in surprise and I am conscious of my mouth being open as Michael continues, “Keith and Matilda helped me build a special drone for this, like it?” “I love it, I loved it.” Thank goodness I spoke those words, my mouth can close now, wouldn’t want to catch any flies. Everyone is looking at me and each other, lots of eye movement and smiling happening. David has finished unfastening the safety straps and is indicating for me to take his hand and get off the wings. Two things stop me, that magnet again and I really don’t remember how to move in this moment. David lowers his hand and leans against the side of the frame cocks his head towards Violet as she says, “You know how distraught I was when I found out about the damage we were doing to the environment. I love flying, I love the planet, what to do? David and Keith came up with this idea when we were all in the pub. I’ve given it a few trial runs, it’s really similar to being in the air. It’s second best but, it’s not damaging the environment and I can still feel the thrill, apply the skill and some of flying. We’re getting together on Skype with our friends abroad and there are films of different sceneries in many countries all filmed with drones. Lots of people loving this idea.” Her voice, like the voices of us all, is echoing. It doesn’t release the magnet or jog my memory about how to move. Oh dear.
I’m overwhelmed, trying to get my head around how they ‘surprised’ me. I am puzzled by the fact that we did the roll manoeuvre. How did they do the roll manoeuvre? The words do not come out of my mouth, I know they will eventually but for now I am more than surprised. The echoing is back and comforting. How did they manage such realistic, wind, sound, feeling … everything? Most especially that roll. Questions, questions, and complete admiration for them all. Still stuck here, standing on the wings. Joseph, a friend of Keith’s whose speciality I’m not sure of yet, speaks, “The roll was actually quite simple in the end Ruth, Olivia did the technical stuff with my special effects plans and Keith organised the electronics and engineering” Keith nods and then looks at his feet. I speak directly to Joseph, “Oi you, stop reading my mind, you’ll just get lost in here.” I laugh my words out, while thinking, oh yes, of course it would be, special effects and I can move. So, Joseph has a magnet release button…or…do I? Hmmm. Everyone is laughing at my comment to Joseph, the echo is nice and warm, like my hands, my knees not quite yet, I didn’t finish my directed meditation.
David takes my hand and I slide down, stopping to take a moment, for sitting right on the wing and swing my legs, my memory of movement is also back, I am happy, I sit here a little while, looking at each of them and smiling, they smile back from their eyes and mouths. I hope admiration is showing on my face.
“Come on you, get off our plane” David orders in good humour, while offering his hand again. I comply still smiling. I swing my legs to the other side of the wings and down I go, it’s a kind of wheeeeee moment with a few bumps. I’m glad I put on a little but not too much weight, it’s cushioning me. I land on the ground without ease but manage a bit of grace. Violet follows behind me. I say, “Right, well, I think you all deserve a round of applause” Time for my questions to be answered later I think. I move towards them all and start to clap in each persons direction, I have no desire to stop smiling inwardly or outwardly, every cell is smiling in my body. It’s a very nice feeling that I’m relishing. I believe I’m really lucky to have such friends, all talented in their own way, dedicated to their skills and loving the planet, thinking and doing realistically, their very best to combine the two. That feeling is heartening. Somehow, we are in a group hug, I don’t mind this at all, just this once mind, just this once, it feels really good, like when loving family hug me.
We release each other and I’m back in my recliner, in my living room at home, eyes open, looking at a beautiful picture on the opposite wall. Right where I started.
Michael who, according to those who are unable to see or hear him, does not exist. Is hovering by my recliner, he’s gently touching my shoulder. I’m feeling really great. “Thanks Michael.” I say. With a smile and a wink, he’s going, back up into his light, gone. The light and Michael, apparently, only I can see.
The pain that usually groans day and night is silent for this moment. I relish this very recent memory, all of it. I enjoyed my moments in the air.
It doesn’t bother me if others can’t hear or see all those visiting me, or the light they reside in. Michael is the only one among them, whose voice is out loud. I’m used to them all, they are part of everything that is around me.
I wonder whether it is possible for the skilled among us, to create such a thorough, ‘virtual’ flying experience. An experience anyone and everyone could feel. I ponder more on whether anyone could create a full bi plane, wing walking, roll experience. I also have quite a few other unanswered questions. Michael left me to my thoughts and relishing before I thought to ask. I’ll ask him next time we chat, if I remember. The environment might make a loud, gentle sigh of relief, were some aeroplanes to be scrapped. Especially if virtual holidays were invented and affordable. I believe that can be done. The possibilities exist but, virtual is not the same as real. It is second best though, as Violet said and, second best is better than no best, in my opinion.
The wing walk certainly felt real to me in this short story of a long meditation. I’m happy that I took the time to do it.
My knees are cold.
I’m discovering just how much more my brain can do that my body cannot, when my mind is focussed and directed. Fibromyalgia brings me more challenges about that…Fibro fog and all.
With Michael hovering close by, to ensure I don’t get lost in my imaginings, my prospects are endless.
FINISHED
©️Ruth A Sutton 2019
Ruth’s Place 